Tag: abuse

The Touch Part 2

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When we were little girls,some of us jumped rope, played hopscotch, dressed up in our mothers clothes,used her makeup and we pretended that our favorite cabbage patch kid or doll was our baby and we played house like we were the mother. We dreamt of being married to our favorite superstar crush (mines was Ralph Tresvant) and living in a big house with 2.5 kids and a dog. We wanted the prettiest white wedding dress and to live happily ever after.

In our little world things were perfect we didn’t have a care in the world, until we went to sleep and saw the boogie man in our closets, under our beds, in our dreams, some even walked through our front doors. Some of us are still having that same nightmare today. As children we are so trusting except to the strangers that our parents told us not to talk to. I listened but unfortunately it wasn’t a stranger that touched me wrong, it was someone I knew very well.

So now lets fast forward years later into our adulthood we are grown now, some of us are even mothers now raising our own kids to the best of our ability, but something isn’t right! Your past wont allow you to forget what happened to you and it either made you 1 of 3 things sheltered and paranoid, promiscuous or it drives to you find comfort in the same sex. All which are un natural acts which stems from being violated. Can you relate? For me when I was young I was promiscuous, I called it being sexually free, in reality I was giving my body away for love, attention and affection not for the sexual aspect of it.

I was getting kisses, the hugs, the caressing and making believe it was love and with all of that I was good but the guy wasn’t, he wanted much more because after a few more times of that and then saying we have to stop, they’re not trying to hear that!! So it happens… Someone touched me wrong again but this time I gave him permission. I gave him permission to say things that stroked my ego. I gave him permission to tell me lies, I gave him permission to take the very special thing that I was suppose to give to my husband one day. I was left empty, unfulfilled and tainted many times over.

How many times have you given someone permission to TOUCH you wrong? Whether sexual, physical or emotional? If it hurts when its happening its a WRONG TOUCH. I’m sure you are saying how did I give him permission to hit me? You didn’t at first but if you stayed after the first hit, then you gave him permission to do it again. This wasn’t our plan as a child we were suppose to get married and live happily ever after right??

So now you are left heart broken, wounded emotionally also left with a child to raise all alone. So we learned our lesson right?? Wrong! Because that little girl inside of us is still searching for a place to drop the pain off and a man that will make all the hurt go away. It took me getting tired of the fake relationships, the lonely nights, the crying and the CRAZY men I was meeting to realize that I deserved so much more and that I was worth the wait and my past does not dictate my present situation especially not my future.

Unfortunately it all stems from being a DADDY-LESS DAUGHTER, we didn’t have the blueprint on life about how a man should and shouldn’t treat us because our father wasn’t there. So we are left to walk through life blindly creating a blueprint that we as woman think a man should be. (We get it wrong every time).

My sister no matter what your past looked like and no matter what mistakes you have made because of misguidance or pain, I want to let you know that you are NOT what you did. What went on in your life doesn’t define the woman that you were born to be. What didn’t kill you only came to make you stronger and even though your bent you are NOT broken. We as woman have to realize that we control our happiness and joy. We must also be more patient and careful when selecting a mate. Don’t allow depression, low self esteem and self hate to make that life changing decision for you. Get help for any past issues or talk to someone that can be a great support system for you. Get back to loving you again before you allow someone into your life. Ladies, men can sniff out a woman that is desperate, vulnerable, that has low self esteem and that doesn’t love herself and has no self worth. Men being conquerors by nature will go in for the kill when they know all of this.
Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting the same type of men ? Men that are married,in a relationship, abusive and emotionally unavailable to you? They seem to be so attracted to you right? Its not because your so pretty and so irresistible its because your giving off negative pheromones. While it may be true that you can have any man you WANT however, every man you want may not WANT you! Let that simmer a for little bit. Please know that while I’m writing this blog its helping me also to realize This Woman’s Worth. If we want better, we have to do and require better for our lives. We were created by God as a SPECIAL GIFT to man; not to be his door mat, side piece,punching bag or baby incubator . We have a purpose on this earth and its not what your past says it is, its what you say it is. So live and love yourself so much that when that man finds you, he has to love you the same way that you love yourself.

When we keep finding ourselves in this dead end relationships, that all end in heartache or leave us feeling jaded, We have to start looking at the elephant in the room which is US. My goal is to help a woman that may feel like she has to settle for the first man that show her some type of attention because of past mistakes. Not so! You are worth the wait and you are worth being loved and cared for.
My hope is that this blog touches the very core of your heart and soul and that something I said resonates and replays continuously in the back of your mind.

Here is my prayer for you…..

Father I come humbly before you the best way that I know how. I come on the behalf of every woman that is reading this blog, Father I ask that you touch every woman and meet them at their very need according to your will. Show them their true worth; place joy back into their hearts and lives. I come against low esteem, suicide, depression, promiscuity, self hate, emptiness, past pain and old scars. Father show them how beautiful they are and how unique you made each one of them, comfort them Father and let them know you always are there when ever they need to talk and unlike man you will never leave them nor forsake them. Give them a good night sleep, stir up their gifts and talents, give them business ideas and confidence to go back to school and get their GED or degree. Father I also want to speak a special prayer for all the single mothers that may have given up on love, wrap your arms around them until they regain their self worth. In Jesus name I pray Amen!

I hope this has help someone and I while know it wont reach everyone and this isn’t everyones story, you may know someone that is dealing with type of issue, if so please send them the link. Thanks for reading please comment and follow. See you next week.

Shawna Seymore,
Founder, S.O.W. (Sisters Of Worth)
Minister,Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

The Touch part 1

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I want you to go back to your childhood with me and together lets pull these bandages off these wounds that obviously didn’t heal but actually got infected and spread down into our adulthood. No one put ointment on these wounds and they didn’t even take us to the hospital for proper treatment . Why? Because some of us never told our parents we got hurt and if we did, they didn’t believe us, or did nothing except COVERED IT UP with a bandaid.

Are you ready? Let the healing began.

When a baby is born the VERY first priority for a parent is protection and shielding that baby from any hurt harm or danger throughout their young life. While we know its virtually impossible to protect a child from every fall, bump, bruise and every inch of pain, its the parents responsibility to help with the healing process of the bump or bruise by kissing it and making it feel better.

A baby’s MOST IMPORTANT need besides food and shelter is TOUCH. It is very important in growth and the development of the baby.
During the WWII a rather brutal experiment was performed on 2 groups of infants. The first group of infants were held,rocked, TOUCHED and stimulated in a physical manner. The second group of infants were fed and changed but not held or TOUCHED in any other manner. The first group of babies thrived and grew into well function, while many of the babies from group 2 died and failed to thrive that the experiment was called off. See Link Below:

http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15173/1/The-Importance-of-Touch-in-Parent-Infant-Bonding.html

So you see touch is a matter of life or death and is very important. Even as adults a hug, holding of hands, a warm kiss, a hand on a shoulder showing support or encouragement,laying in the arms of the one you love is very important and soothing to the human heart, mind ,body and soul. But the wrong touch can and will have a traumatizing affect. Whether consciously or subconsciously the affect is lasting. I’m talking about molestation, rape, physical abuse and even abandonment by a parent for most of us its a father that walked out on us. ( I’ll be talking about that in another blog real soon).

This is for my sisters (and some brothers) that once you saw those horrible words it produced chills, anger or even a vivid vision of that once dark place from our childhood. Yes I said OUR because I’m not exempt from these words I type. I was violated 3 times ages 6 and 9, once by my mothers male friend, and twice by my mothers boyfriend (I thank God penetration wasn’t involved). After that second time I would go outside to play when I knew we has coming over and I didn’t come back in the house until I knew he was long gone. Do you remember your Ordeal?

What must be going through a child’s mind when this awful act is happening ? We just want it to be over! We close our little eyes and think of a happy safe place until the ordeal is over. Then we say what happened to the protection our parents promised us? Where were they when these demons from the pit of hell came and damaged the innocence of that beautiful little girl (or boy) they use to hold in their arms protecting us from this very danger????? Somewhere there was a breach in protection; At home,at school, at a relative’s house, by a parent, at a party even in the streets. Where ever or what age your violation happened…..IT HAPPENED!!

This person didn’t have permission to touch us. Some gained our trust only to break that very same trust. For some of you it tore down the very foundation changing you forever. For the rest of us we took it put it in the back of our mind in a black mental box to remember it no more. So we thought! I know its hard to talk about or even think about. While I’m here giving my testimony, this is a healing for me as well. I want you to know that you did nothing wrong and you didn’t deserve what happened to you nor is it your fault. What didn’t kill us only made us STRONGER. We may be bent but we are not broken.
My sister my hope for you is that you find healing in this blog and although its a painful touchy subject its necessary for the next step of moving on in life and overcoming this situation to be a BETTER you not a BITTER you. The people that violated us are sick individuals that also may have been victims themselves. I say this because I know of some victims that became predators themselves because they too were TOUCHED wrong. Its a demonic plague that has to be stopped; A curse that has to be broken and pulled up from the roots to die. Addressing it and having support is the only way to heal my sister. We even have to pray and forgive the the very person that violated us, not for them but for us!!! I’m talking about this because its one of the reasons our life’s as young woman have been disrupted with periods of loneliness fear and doubt. We made some bad decisions because of what has happened to us in the past and we cant seem to get it right. Thats why I’m blogging to help change the negative mindset of woman with the same issues I’ve overcome and still dealing with now. Here Is My Prayer:

Heavenly Father I come to you as humble as I know how. I Ask right now Father to give comfort and strength to every woman that is reading this blog . Help her to find the complete peace within herself. Help her to get that joy and happiness back to put the past behind her and for it to never hinder her life again. When it tries to show its ugly head again give her the ultimate power to rebuke it and send it back to the pit of hell from which it came. Help her to know that she is beautiful worthy of love and happiness again. Father I want to even pray now for those individuals that violated us, where ever they may be God I ask you to convict them in their spirit for what they have done as you give us the will power to forgive them and ourselves.
In Jesus Name Amen.

Thank you for you time and comments and please join me again for Part 2 of The Touch next week.