Tag: woman

The Touch Part 2

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When we were little girls,some of us jumped rope, played hopscotch, dressed up in our mothers clothes,used her makeup and we pretended that our favorite cabbage patch kid or doll was our baby and we played house like we were the mother. We dreamt of being married to our favorite superstar crush (mines was Ralph Tresvant) and living in a big house with 2.5 kids and a dog. We wanted the prettiest white wedding dress and to live happily ever after.

In our little world things were perfect we didn’t have a care in the world, until we went to sleep and saw the boogie man in our closets, under our beds, in our dreams, some even walked through our front doors. Some of us are still having that same nightmare today. As children we are so trusting except to the strangers that our parents told us not to talk to. I listened but unfortunately it wasn’t a stranger that touched me wrong, it was someone I knew very well.

So now lets fast forward years later into our adulthood we are grown now, some of us are even mothers now raising our own kids to the best of our ability, but something isn’t right! Your past wont allow you to forget what happened to you and it either made you 1 of 3 things sheltered and paranoid, promiscuous or it drives to you find comfort in the same sex. All which are un natural acts which stems from being violated. Can you relate? For me when I was young I was promiscuous, I called it being sexually free, in reality I was giving my body away for love, attention and affection not for the sexual aspect of it.

I was getting kisses, the hugs, the caressing and making believe it was love and with all of that I was good but the guy wasn’t, he wanted much more because after a few more times of that and then saying we have to stop, they’re not trying to hear that!! So it happens… Someone touched me wrong again but this time I gave him permission. I gave him permission to say things that stroked my ego. I gave him permission to tell me lies, I gave him permission to take the very special thing that I was suppose to give to my husband one day. I was left empty, unfulfilled and tainted many times over.

How many times have you given someone permission to TOUCH you wrong? Whether sexual, physical or emotional? If it hurts when its happening its a WRONG TOUCH. I’m sure you are saying how did I give him permission to hit me? You didn’t at first but if you stayed after the first hit, then you gave him permission to do it again. This wasn’t our plan as a child we were suppose to get married and live happily ever after right??

So now you are left heart broken, wounded emotionally also left with a child to raise all alone. So we learned our lesson right?? Wrong! Because that little girl inside of us is still searching for a place to drop the pain off and a man that will make all the hurt go away. It took me getting tired of the fake relationships, the lonely nights, the crying and the CRAZY men I was meeting to realize that I deserved so much more and that I was worth the wait and my past does not dictate my present situation especially not my future.

Unfortunately it all stems from being a DADDY-LESS DAUGHTER, we didn’t have the blueprint on life about how a man should and shouldn’t treat us because our father wasn’t there. So we are left to walk through life blindly creating a blueprint that we as woman think a man should be. (We get it wrong every time).

My sister no matter what your past looked like and no matter what mistakes you have made because of misguidance or pain, I want to let you know that you are NOT what you did. What went on in your life doesn’t define the woman that you were born to be. What didn’t kill you only came to make you stronger and even though your bent you are NOT broken. We as woman have to realize that we control our happiness and joy. We must also be more patient and careful when selecting a mate. Don’t allow depression, low self esteem and self hate to make that life changing decision for you. Get help for any past issues or talk to someone that can be a great support system for you. Get back to loving you again before you allow someone into your life. Ladies, men can sniff out a woman that is desperate, vulnerable, that has low self esteem and that doesn’t love herself and has no self worth. Men being conquerors by nature will go in for the kill when they know all of this.
Have you ever wondered why you keep attracting the same type of men ? Men that are married,in a relationship, abusive and emotionally unavailable to you? They seem to be so attracted to you right? Its not because your so pretty and so irresistible its because your giving off negative pheromones. While it may be true that you can have any man you WANT however, every man you want may not WANT you! Let that simmer a for little bit. Please know that while I’m writing this blog its helping me also to realize This Woman’s Worth. If we want better, we have to do and require better for our lives. We were created by God as a SPECIAL GIFT to man; not to be his door mat, side piece,punching bag or baby incubator . We have a purpose on this earth and its not what your past says it is, its what you say it is. So live and love yourself so much that when that man finds you, he has to love you the same way that you love yourself.

When we keep finding ourselves in this dead end relationships, that all end in heartache or leave us feeling jaded, We have to start looking at the elephant in the room which is US. My goal is to help a woman that may feel like she has to settle for the first man that show her some type of attention because of past mistakes. Not so! You are worth the wait and you are worth being loved and cared for.
My hope is that this blog touches the very core of your heart and soul and that something I said resonates and replays continuously in the back of your mind.

Here is my prayer for you…..

Father I come humbly before you the best way that I know how. I come on the behalf of every woman that is reading this blog, Father I ask that you touch every woman and meet them at their very need according to your will. Show them their true worth; place joy back into their hearts and lives. I come against low esteem, suicide, depression, promiscuity, self hate, emptiness, past pain and old scars. Father show them how beautiful they are and how unique you made each one of them, comfort them Father and let them know you always are there when ever they need to talk and unlike man you will never leave them nor forsake them. Give them a good night sleep, stir up their gifts and talents, give them business ideas and confidence to go back to school and get their GED or degree. Father I also want to speak a special prayer for all the single mothers that may have given up on love, wrap your arms around them until they regain their self worth. In Jesus name I pray Amen!

I hope this has help someone and I while know it wont reach everyone and this isn’t everyones story, you may know someone that is dealing with type of issue, if so please send them the link. Thanks for reading please comment and follow. See you next week.

Shawna Seymore,
Founder, S.O.W. (Sisters Of Worth)
Minister,Life Coach, Motivational Speaker

Be the type of person you want to find.

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Ladies be the type of person you want to find; Don’t be a nickel out there looking for a dime. Lyfe Jennings

I have always considered myself to be a very good dresser. I love to put colors and patterns together, even down to matching my shoes with my outfits. When I was younger, I was a little tomboy and always wore pants and had the latest sneakers. It wasn’t until I was 19 years old that I started experimenting with makeup and girly clothes, but I still had my tomboy ways.

The reason for my change back then was because I wasn’t really being noticed by the opposite sex. Don’t get me wrong I did have a few boyfriends but when they did notice me, I was just considered the home girl or the cool chick that liked sports. So I started to take noticed that other girls around my age that were getting the guys, were dressing and carrying themselves like young ladies.

The transformation was self taught; I didn’t have a role model around me to teach me how to carry myself like a young lady.( What I can say I learned from my mother was how to keep my hair on point). Even my best friends were tom boys and the older woman that were around me, were the ones that showed IT ALL. So thats what I did, I allowed my shape and curves to dictate what I was going to wear to show off my ASSets.

I did eventually get my wish because the young guys and even some of the men sure did take notice. I got all the unwanted attention I didn’t want and none of the kind I did want. So what I thought was positive attention in actuality it was all negative. I wasn’t really the type to show my breast or wear revealing clothes but I did wear my clothes fitted. As time went by I found my own style and made my own statement.. In that transition I started to pay attention to what type of men I was attracting. Here I am getting mad at these men for coming at me in a sexual manner yet in still it was ME all along that was getting their attention.

I said all this to say, that we as women have to BE THE TYPE OF PERSON WE WANT TO ATTRACT. We have to stop blaming the men for everything and start looking at what we are wearing, what we are not wearing, how we carry ourselves, how we speak, how we take care of our hygiene, our outer appearance and most of all how we are feeling about ourselves. All this plays a major part in who and what we attract even down to our friends. When we are feeling low, depressed,depleted,bitter,lonely and un-pretty, this is the worse time to date. Because it all seeps out of your pores and it releases a spiritual pheromone that attracts the wrong type of man.

You have to keep in mind that men are natural hunters and just like the King of the jungle, they can smell a wounded prey a mile away. So if you are hurting and are found in this state, you’re as good as dead (spiritually). Only until you’re feeling good about yourself should you make yourself available for dating because this will keep most of the weirdos away. Plus you will be in a state of strength were you are able to discern and say no.

Now to my beautiful Christian woman, you don’t have to walk around here looking homely and plan in order to be considered saved, Holy and sanctified. Please do your hair; put on some makeup, it doesn’t have to be caked on. Stop wearing skirts and dresses down to your ankles, over sized suits and those horrible 2 inch kitten heels, (save those for the mothers). I know I might get in trouble for this but, its not attractive not even to the Christian brothers. You don’t have to have anything showing to look attractive,beautiful and snatched. Truth is CONFIDENCE is the most attractive thing a woman can have and it will show every time she walks into a room. Going natural isn’t for everyone and these 30 inch weaves down your back is ridiculous (you know your hair isn’t that long ) and most men hate it. Woman find your own type of beautiful and adorn yourself with dignity, confidence and humility.

I also want to throw this out there, if you have it all together and still are single and no one seems to be checking for you, it’s not you, it’s them. Most men who aren’t really ready to settle down and want to play the field wont pay you any mind because they know the type of woman you are. You are Wife material and they’re not looking for that right now, so they won’t want to ruin a good woman such as yourself. So if you meet a good man that tells you he’s not looking for a relationship right now, BELIEVE HIM! It doesn’t make him a bad man it makes him honest.

You also have to be careful because you have some bold men out there that don’t have themselves together but fake like they do. Those are the ones you have to watch out for, because men get depressed and feel like failures too more than woman. The only difference is that they will deal with a lot of woman to make themselves feel better. If he knows he’s not where he wants to be in life, yet woman are still dealing with him, it strokes his ego and makes him become greedy and selfish. He doesn’t have any remorse until he is caught.

Over all ladies, carry yourself in a manner that will attract what you are saying about yourself. If that isn’t happening, then you have remove yourself from the dating scene and do some self evaluating and reflecting. Who you attract says nothing about the man but says EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU!!

Shawna Seymore,
Minister,Life Coach,Motivational Speaker