Dear women:

Why do we continue to put ourselves in these hurtful situation-ships and one sided relationships? Do you hate being alone? Do you have low self esteem ? Do you hate yourself? What is it about your life that you makes you want to give up on true love? Why are you so impatient? Why don’t you really trust God? When He says that He will give you the desires of your heart? Is it because you don’t desire to be a wife, or is it that you don’t desire to be alone? I’ll wait……

Well it’s obvious that you do desire to be some form of a wife because you are doing all the duties of a wife while you’re getting a girlfriends salary, actually there are more woman doing the work of a wife while on a friends with benefits budget. Why is that?
Is your non-man or non husband telling you that you don’t need a title because you know what you are to me? Yes he is right YOU do know what you are to him, but what does he say and show you that you are? I’ll wait……

I know woman right now that are walking around and have been with a man for years and are still not married, some right in church. Pssss let me tell you a secret….. If he didn’t marry you by now, chances are he isn’t going to marry you and you are NOT HIS WIFE! A man knows within a few months of dating you what part you will continually play in his life, but it’s up to you to remove yourself from the roster and be the wife to someone else that God has created you to be. We were created for man; we are the gift. We were created for a certain man not just any man. Let me also be clear, just because you may not be HIS wife doesn’t mean your not a wife, because you are!!

In order for that to be possible, you have to carry yourself as one, but don’t perform as one. What I mean is don’t be giving your womanhood away, paying his bills, cooking and cleaning his house, washing his clothes and lending him money. It’s ok to lend a hand but don’t lend ALL OF YOU. If you give all you have to a man that hasn’t committed his heart to you , you are doing too much. A man marries a woman based on the way she carries herself, her morals, the way she keeps her house and the way that she is SO DIFFERENT than the other woman he has been dated, she’s meek, humble, isn’t loud and boisterous (Most men hate that). She’s just special.

There are woman that just don’t know how to carry them as a wife verses doing things of a wife and that’s where the problem lies. When I was younger I would do everything I saw my grandmother do for my grandfather in my relationships to SHOW them I was wife material but in actuality I wasn’t carrying myself as a wife. If I was I wouldn’t have to do anything all I had to do was BE. Some of you are DOing and are not BEing only because you don’t have a blueprint to follow, maybe you don’t have many married people around you or you come from a single parent home. My grandmother was my blueprint but why it didn’t work right for me is because I did the wife duties on the girlfriend budget without security, commitment and his heart and MARRIAGE.

Some of you woman may be saying oh please I don’t need to get married, I don’t need no paper to tell me I’m his and he is mines, ummm sorry Boo Boo yes you do! Marriage has nothing to do with being together forever it has everything to do with security and responsibility. When a man marries he is saying ” Yes God I take this woman as my gift and responsibility I will make sure she covered, protected, respected and loved. If you have no marriage God doesn’t honor the relationship, neither does the state government.

If your non-husband was to pass away and have assets and money left behind you are entitled to NOTHING. If you have children by him and his name isn’t on the birth certificate, your children are entitled to NOTHING and you will have to fight the courts to prove other wise on your kids behalf. If you and your non-husband were to by a house and car together and he is still legally married and he was to die, the wife gets EVERYTHING even his portion of anything he owns together with you, especially the bank accounts. Still think marriage isn’t important?? I’ll wait…

I see the new thing is that some men are proposing to woman and giving them engagement rings with no intentions of ever marrying the woman and the women are walking around here saying my husband this and my husband that. You are still a girlfriend and not a wife and yet you have been engaged for 3+ years. Psss let me tell you another secret, he’s not going to marry you! Why would you sit and wast your time with a man that is telling you in his non actions that you are not his wife,you’re not that special, I don’t want to take responsibility of your heart or our family, but I want to still be with you with no strings attached even though we been together for years?

I get it you just want to be loved, happy and to have someone to call your own. Yes you’re right you can’t help who you love, but what you can help is how you allow your heart and body to be used. The more you allow your body to be used the more you become depleted and take on more soul ties. ( I’ll save that for another blog) The bible says present your body as a living sacrifice holy and acceptable unto God,which is your reasonable service. (Romans 12:1)

You see the problem isn’t the man, it’s US. We sit here forming this non existing relationship in our minds just because we want to be with him, but honey if he doesn’t want to be with you, there is nothing you can do to change that mans mind. The problem with us woman is that we IGNORE the signs and we blow off what the man has told us in the beginning of the relationship. When he says he’s not looking for a relationship, BELIEVE HIM because that’s probably the only truth he will ever tell you after that, But no we hear what we want to hear and create this situation-ship with a man that is emotionally unavailable to you only because you want what you want.

Don’t date dumb and blind, be smart and trust your female intuition it will never lead you wrong. You deserve the relationship you want, because trust me the man is going to create the type of relationship he wants whether only sexual or committed. We have the right to do the same. Until WE as woman sit down and self evaluate themselves a lot of tears will flow and a lot of hearts will continue to be broken. If you don’t start SEEING Yourself as the GIFT and not a GAME, you will continued to be played.

I know this won’t be accepted by everyone but if helps just ONE WOMAN I’ve done my work.

Shawna Seymore,
Minister, Life Coach,Motivational Speaker